Monday Selftalk / Jealousy / Merchandising and the New Book
It’s Monday again, meaning I am back at work. Not a bad thing– I am not complaining. Quite. As much as I am happy to have a job doing art (which I love) none of what I create at work is technically mine. I am merely a tool to flesh out other people’s ideas.
Ho hum. I still love to create, and I get to create everyday at my work. I remember the days when I was a security guard, and a grocery store bagger, and a pizza deliveryman. I sympathize with all you creative types who are still stuck with completely uncreative jobs. I recall how hard it was to take myself seriously as an artist/writer when the rest of the world saw me as a pizza guy in a beat up Ford Tempo– a pizza guy with delusions of grandeur.
So. Enough said on that subject. I am at a place now where I get creative fulfillment and validation almost everyday, and yes, that goes a LONG way towards helping me to believe in myself.
But not ALL the way. I STILL might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. ‘Nough said?
Last night, the wife and I watched “Julie and Julia”. It started out as an effort on my part to enjoy a chick-flick with her. I had designs, as you might guess. But I did end up enjoying the movie. Except for one part.
Two thirds of the way through the film, the struggling writer/blogger gets her story told on the front page of the New York Times. This results in fifty-plus calls that evening, every single one of them from a literary agent, an interviewer, an intellectual rights manager, all basically begging for her to partner with them to tell her story and make her rich and famous.
I was (I admit with bald shame) sick with jealousy. Because I used to believe that sort of thing would happen to me someday, and now I don’t.
I am in wait mode right now. My editor is still working through RoC. A collaborator of mine (who I won’t identify unless he tells me I can) is making a very cool prototype of the divided sigil necklace that features very prominently in the new book. If all goes as planned, we may be able to offer it for sale. It will be an extremely cool bit of jewelry, completely apart from its significance in the book. I am considering selling a bundled package: the sigil necklace and a signed hardcover of the new book. My greatest fear though (among MANY greatest fears) is that we will go to the trouble of making such a thing and virtually no one will buy it. Then, not only will I feel like a self-deluded idiot, but I will have wasted the time of a very talented artist who believes in me and my work a great deal.
But this is the risk all creative types have to take, right? The risk of sticking your stuff out there and finding that nobody wants it?
Giving stuff away for free is one thing. Trying to get people to pay up for it after they’ve gotten used to free, that’s something else entirely. This is why I say that so much rides on the response to RoC. We shall see.